Life planning progress post

I have accomplished 82 out of 167 goals and i feel pretty proud of that but not that much becuase some of the goals were short termed goals but some were long so its a mix of goals. I dont know if i should even be writeing this becuase i feel like im about to cry becuase one of my goals that i put in my self is to see my friends when i grow older and now i cant becuase one of my friends is now gone and i wont ever be able to do it but i feel like he was with me yesterday and that he told me that it was all okay and that he will be in a better place its a feeling that i have but idk i still wanna cry becuase he brought so much joy to me and i know that i will never find someone like him. I know that he would want us to be happy but its hard to let it go and i just cant stop thinking about that and i cant handel it rn i feel like i should go to the school council but idk i just dont wanna letmyself week to emotions like that and i wanna stay strong for him and for myself tbh idk how much of this i am going to write this post was sopposed to be about my life planning progress report but i turned it into my confession place and i feel like i should just stop but i have to let my feelings go rn i cant hold them in but i cant cry and idk why i cant i feel like i am a monster for not being able to cry for him but i dont wanna cry i wanna get over this i wanna be able to hear his name and not think oh yah hes dead i wnat to be able to be like oh yah i remember we had so much fun that one time and now i am running out of time to type so i would now have to say goodbye for Right Now I hope i will see you later on in the future.